Anger

[Melissa S.]

Anger seems to be a sign of where I am in the mania/depression cycle. Sometimes family members tend to trigger my anger but I’ve learned to keep away from them when I feel it coming on. I feel like by staying away I am avoiding destroying the relationships but at the same time I feel like I'm always keeping at arms length. Does anyone have any techniques on how to deal with my anger without avoiding the people I love?

[Marsha Brosha]

I'd love to understand more about anger in relation to the mania/depression cycle. My husband is bipolar and there seem to be times that he is 'reacting' to something I've said and he'll use this as a reason to blow up and be angry all day. Sometimes the anger lasts for two days--usually on weekends--and usually on the second day he'll try to avoid me or keep me at arms length, to 'protect' me from his mood. We're both depressed by the third day.

[Pamela Impson]

I have used this before to help parents with the anger of their children being returned to their custody. At a time when both of you are in a good space make a plan for what you will do when you begin to see he becoming angry. Will you tell him he is getting angry? Will you just ignore his anger? Will both of you just go to you own separate corners? Make sure the plan includes specifically what he needs and what you need and why. If he resists keep asking periodically until you get a plan. Write the plan down, make sure it is something both of you can live with. Both sign it and leave a copy on the refrigerator. It might take several times for both of you to stick to the plan. Look at the plan often and make changes as you determine it is necessary.

Hope it helps.

[Mozart]

This is an interesting situation. I'm the one with bp. I find that I react to my husband's stress. He doesn't always have an outward expression, but a general tension. I'm learning to ask him if something is bothering him -- this defuses the situation for me. I can step back, take a deep breath and unstress myself. Unfortunately, sometimes things will be out of hand before I recognize it. I have to make the 'time-out' sign until my husband stops verbalizing. These are times that I feel the need to get away for awhile. I come home when I've cooled off.

[Arthur]

Dear Melissa:

I am bipolar and was diagnosed on 2004 with bp1 but I have suffered from depression at a young age. I have been suffered with anger management issues for a long time. What I long for especially when I start yelling at the kids is that my wife would step in and help me defuse the situation. She never ever has tried to step in to help. DONT BE AFRAID TO DO THIS!! Your husband needs your help. Approach him, touch him lightly and step in right away, dont pull yourself out of the picture he needs you, I wish my wife did this for me.

[Bradley Michael Crist]

I have found that my anger is very dangerous not only to others but to me. A lot of yelling and push and shove could have been avoided if I could only control the beast inside when it decided to pop out on everyone, usually for no good reason. Now that I am closing in on 45, I have mellowed and I enjoy it. A lot of my anger was targeted towards loved ones who were close to me. Guess I figured they would not leave me. They did more often than not. A lot of people were hurt, including me. I am married now and from time to time I pop a blood vessel, but anymore I let her yell and I talk calmly, as I really fear the anger that I can feel boiling under my skin. I know from experience that the thought of beating the living crap out of someone is really hard to reign in, so I try to remain calm these days. To all of you who have anger management issues take the time to come clean with your doctor or therapist if your seeing one. I did and that is what has really helped me to control my anger most of the time. ;)

[beauxPatrick]

Ask your pdoc if you may not be "Cyclothymic bipolar", those I have known have manic anger. Mine manifests itself in creativity.

[stephen strydom]

Hi this is Stephen (from Durban, East Coast of South Africa) ! I have just joined & hope you don't mind me writing to you - I find some kind of physical activity (Cycling for me) is the best way to deal with my anger or irritation & stress. hope you feel better soon!

[Geri]

I have Bipolar II with monthly rapid-cycling. Therapy has taught me that those 1-2 days of irritability (okay...rage), are a sign that I have left the depressive phase & entered the hypomanic phase. I shocked my Dr once when I described it as "the gun only points one way". (Don't worry - I hate guns.) I, too, withdraw from others. I've had too many incidents during these times that got me into real trouble. It took a long time to get that anger under control. My close friends have been warned about it.

[Stacey Saunar]

I took a course call Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It teachs you to use your rational or wise mind over your emotional mind. I used to get so angry over the slightest thing. Screaming at my kids, my husband. Lashing out at sales people if I felt I was waiting too long. I was rude to wait staff in restaurants, you name it, I did it. Now, I can let the little things go. They use a concept called "radical acceptance" that I have found to really works for me. "Radical acceptance says you should approach the people and the situations in your life without judging them to be good or bad, positive or negitive" There is a self help workbook that you can do on your own that is really helpful too. It is called The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew Mckay, Jeffrey Wood, Jeffrey Brantley. My thought is try it, it can't hurt. They teach the course at Scripps Mercy in San Diego. Hope you find this helpful.

[Mozart]

For anyone who lives in the tri-state area of Ohio, Pennsylvania and West Virginia (and anyone else interested), the NAMI Mahoning Valley has invited Dr. Ricki Martin to speak. The discussion will be DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPY. (I've been wanting to learn something about this technique.) It will be held on May 26 from 7pm to 9pm.

Allied Behavioral Health
5204 Mahoning Ave.
Building 1, Studio 105
Austintown, OH 44515

You can contact Gabriele Holbrook ([e-mail]) for more information.

[Mozart]

I made an error on the location of the meeting. It will be held at the:

D & E Center
142 Javit Court
Austintown, OH 44515

(Off Rt.18, Mahoning Avenue across from the SkateZone.)

You can also contact me if you need more directions.

[Di]

I can relate to the pushing away technique. I recently watched a HOUSE episode. The patient lost his ability to filter anything. The things that flew out of his mouth were very hurtful. He begged his wife not to come visit him while in the hospital. He knew his filter was gone. He hated that his words hurt but didn't have the control not to speak.

Sometimes, I feel like this House patient. It's so much easier to avoid my loved ones than it is to repair the damage of unfiltered behavior. This DBT technic sounds helpful. Wish I had more to offer you.