Anger

[Melissa S.]

Anger seems to be a sign of where I am in the mania/depression cycle. Sometimes family members tend to trigger my anger but I’ve learned to keep away from them when I feel it coming on. I feel like by staying away I am avoiding destroying the relationships but at the same time I feel like I'm always keeping at arms length. Does anyone have any techniques on how to deal with my anger without avoiding the people I love?

[Alana]

I feel the same way. What I try is to forgive myself for having to pull away from my kids and my husband and then I try to do something to bring me back. I try to have a nap, get to the gym and track my moods and subsequent triggers. As well, most importantly, I do not allow(most days) my negative self talk to shame me into not articulating to my husband and my children my feelings and reasons for my actions. I have told my kids on a number of occassions that I am not feeling well and I need some time to rest, and then I will be back to be with them. I also tell them that I need to go and work out because it helps me not to be so angry. They understand, as much as I think they can. As well, in the better days, I try to keep in perspective that the anger is a symptom of the illness that I have to contend with. We don't get angry on purpose to damage the relationships we have. We can manage it and move forward, with patience. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself the time you need to take care of you and then you can be stronger when you are with the ones you love. At least this is what I am trying hard to stay focused on.

[Jazzy]

I have a strange situation whereby my ex-husband is bipolar and it's a situation it seems I am the only one who's helping and I get annoyed. He's very mild tone with his feelings and doesn't explode, but I do. I know it isn't far that I get upset because I don't have to assist him, but his living situation is so bad I am afraid for him. Why am I so mad?

[Terry]

Avoidance has been my solution. Two of my sisters triggered such anger in me -- one continues to this day. I have been able to make amends with the other in the last six months by forgetting the pain she caused me; forgiveness may take more time.

[Pamela Impson]

My anger is a little less these days, but I wouldn't recommend the way it happened in the final end. I had distanced myself from my family a long time ago. They triggered my mania every time I saw them. I was fortunate that I met my husband (30 years ago) and his family took me in. They were committed to keeping me in the family. I was diagnosed 6 years ago. After a few months of drugs I began to understand that I am a cyclothymic bipolar and I can cycle very frequently (sometimes minute by minute). I began to understand I needed to rebuild the bridges I had burned with my family. They were never going to come to me first, they thought I was crazy. At first I only saw my family in larger groups where I would have places to go if things got a little tough to cool down. I only saw them when my drugs allowed me to be at little more stable. I made sure I was not tired. I never stayed at their house. I always had an exit plan, I was lucky my husband could see when I was beginning to get out of control and he would tell them we had to go, he had something to do. Tell your self it's ok to walk away, give your self a time out, when you feel you are getting out of control.

Before my Mothers death I was able to finally talk to her calmly explain my behavior. What I was responsible for and how she and my brother and sister had triggered my anger. Remember it is not only your fault they had a part in it too. It took me a long time but in the end I wanted a loving relationship with my family more than my pride. My Mother and I were able to mend our relationship as she began to see that I was ill not crazy. Will my brother and sister ever reach that point I don't know I haven't seen them, but now it is their choice isn't

[Keith]

Hello all,

The DBT therapy is helpful, I just completed the 6-month treatment. I also was very lucky to have a great therapist as well. DBT teaches you to observe your feelings/emotions from the outside. Like, all these emotions grab a hold of you, and you just remove yourself from them for a moment and observe and describe and name what they are. It sounds funny but it actually works for me. Last weekend, I went into depression and I watched/observed my mood and my whole weekend go down the drain, just like so many other times. It was like a movie happening right before me. DBT also teaches you ways out of these situations, and I am working on putting more of that into practice as well. What I am getting at here is that the better we become at observing and understanding these emotions that come over us, the better and sooner we are able to cope with them!

I also took an anger management class as well a couple years back. There too, the teaching was all about how to catch yourself getting angry before it escalates. Watch breathing, tightening of muscles, clenched teeth, etc. Then when you know you are gettin angry, you can take a "time out" which for us meant saying to someone, "I need to take a time out, I am going for a walk (or whatever) and I will be back in so many minutes and we can talk some more." This is effective.

I think the perfect synthesis of these two practices would be to become very aware of your emotions and recognize when the anger is coming, and then be practiced at asking to continue the conversation at another time, and not feel bad about it but just be honest with your family and eventually, hopefully they will understand you better. It takes practice to learn a new mindset, and it is taking me a long time to make it work, but I can tell the difference and the fights that I used to have with me ex are getting less and less destructive.

Keith

[Mozart]

DBT sounds really helpful. I have a hard time switching from a feeling state to a thinking state. I'm going to look into it. I had always felt like a quitter/failure when I left the area where my anger was flaring. Thankfully, my counselor told me that it was okay to have an 'out' by removing myself from the situation.

I find that I react to my husband's stress. He doesn't always have an outward expression, but a general tension. I'm learning to ask him if something is bothering him -- this defuses the situation for me. I can step back, take a deep breath and unstress myself. Unfortunately sometimes things will be out of hand before I recognize it. I have to make the 'time-out' sign until my husband will stop the verbalization (he likes to play the 'devil's advocate' and needs to have the last word.)

When my anger does get out of control, I have the urge to throw things -- anything -- including precious objects. So far, a little sanity prevails and I chose the pop cans in the recycle bin. I smash them and throw them back into the can until I finally break down in a release of hard crying. Does anyone else have this problem channeling their anger? What do you do?

[Jim Buchanan]

I used to go out in the garage and take a hatchet to an old piece of wood. You have to be careful though!

For some years I didn't have a house and could not do this, but I live in a house with a garage again, and remembered this the other day when talking to my therapist. She surprised me by saying that chopping wood, usually firewood, was a common anger/stress reliever.

[Erin Cottrell]

i was forced to go on a leave of absence by my former boss that lasted nearly 2 yrs and eventually cost me my job because i couldn't control my angry outbursts during the height of my mania. the thing i learned from that was to count. i know it sounds silly...but as long as i wasn't too far into myself and my mania and could realize what was going on...i would count to ten before saying a word. this really helped and continues to help diffuse the situation. i guess it gives me a moment to sort of...come back to myself...before i say or do something that i'm going to regret. good luck in your continued journey.

erin

[catus joquth]

New Hampshire Drug Treatment Centers

[Jacqueline V]

I have the same problems with anger. I am learning to calm myself with deep breathing and counting before I make any reaction to my triggers. I am then able to react in a more resaonable manner.

[Edward L. Erikson]

Hi, Anger and irritability are a symptom of Mania. Irritability is a symptom of depression. Stress triggers mania and depression.

Ed

[Gabe Hall]

Members of my family also trigger my mania and anger. I am 27 and have lived my entire life with mania/bp (yes, since birth). Can anyone explain if they were born with it also and why?