Do you ever get the feeling that you haven't found what you are looking for?

[NG]

I don't know if it's me or the bipolar but it's like that U2 song goes "I still haven't found what I'm looking for"

and I don't know what it is? I think if I could just find a job that will work with my illness or if I could ...

I feel like I'm going in circles sometimes. I have so much potential that I'm not using but directing it is the hard part.

I suppose this is called chronic discontent or maybe it's just bipolar! It sure is frustrating though!

[My idol]

This hit a nerve NG. It seems that the more I try to find that area of content in my life, the more behind I get. (The faster I go the behinder I get.-unknown). I think I get control over my moods and then I go and get in trouble again. It's really frustrating. I know in my case its definitely the bipolar. I had been a good child, good student. I was always respectful of authority and I had a few good, close friends. Then I got a good job out of college and all hell broke loose. My bipolar was raging but undiagnosed for almost another 20 years. Ever since then, I've worked to restore my good girl reputation. Even now, most people who know me only know that side of me. I can keep the dark side hidden quite well. But I know the secrets that I carry. And I'm not proud of that side of me. I just don't know how to stay perfect all the time. This bipolar can be a real b*^#*^.It's caused me problems when I thought everything was great.

I'll keep trying to chase the good me. I know I'm there somewhere!
Best wishes, all,
Linda

[withavengeance]

I have many dark secrets, too. Plus bipolar is a huge part in wrecking my current relationship. In the past, it tried to wreck my entire life, but I managed to get it under control even though I didn't know what 'it' was.

The jobs I've quit, the cheating I've done, the lying, stealing, drinking, losing friendships, and more. I was always the good girl too (though I think the rebel in me is real, lol). Every time I reach a point of peace in my life, something happens to wreck it. My late husband and I had reached such a point of contentment and I was so happy! Then he was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer and gone in 8 weeks. I had a huge hypomania after that, the biggest one ever. And the cycling became much more rapid. Still, it took another five years before I was diagnosed. I was only diagnosed during the blackest depression I had ever had. And it was done by my therapist, not the pdoc (I've fired him since, but there were more reasons that that).

I think my husband was the biggest stabilizing force in my life and now he's gone. My current relationship is ruined, mostly due to bipolar. At this point, I don't think I'll ever find what I'm looking for; I had it for 30 years and now have only the memories. But at least I have them. Many don't even get that much. I know I should feel grateful.

[Bob's My Uncle]

My mother always said I was looking for trouble. I am fortunate that I had zest to go after what I wanted. In some cases I created my jobs. I like to look at the good side in everything ... so I usually end up with something good. Now that doesn't mean that any of this is easy. I work hard at it.

[withavengeance]

I just want peace in my life.

[dymphna]

sometimes i cry when i hear this song.

[Donna]

I know what you mean. Another song called UNWELL(I can't think of the group that sings it now) goes: I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell, but right now you can't tell.....but stay around and baby then you'll see, a different side of me. I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired, right now I know that you don't care, but soon enough, you're gonna look at me, and how I used to be....................................I'm not crazy, I'm just a little UNWELL

[Serenity]

I'm 58 years old. I still don't know what the hell I'm looking for in life.

[Donna]

Thanks Zephyr.

[Donna]

Thanks, I hate when I can't think of the group that sings a song. I even have their CD. My brain is fried from all my meds.

[Betty]

I'm going to be 54 and I always feel there is something I'm supposed to do,but I just haven't found it. I feel there is something more and I'm just missing it.

[Kelton Smith]

Since we're telling ages...I'm 49 years, 23months and 13 days old. :)

[Judi Homeyer]

Wow--that is exactly how I feel. I have felt like that all of my life. How or what does one do to get over this ? Is it a bipolar thing or what?

Somedays I'll think I've found it, but then it just slips away again.