Do you ever get the feeling that you haven't found what you are looking for?

[NG]

I don't know if it's me or the bipolar but it's like that U2 song goes "I still haven't found what I'm looking for"

and I don't know what it is? I think if I could just find a job that will work with my illness or if I could ...

I feel like I'm going in circles sometimes. I have so much potential that I'm not using but directing it is the hard part.

I suppose this is called chronic discontent or maybe it's just bipolar! It sure is frustrating though!

[kat]

I've started with the local library since I don't have to interact with people if I'm not feeling well enough. I'd like to start up a support group for bp in our area but don't feel like I could handle it myself. Our local phone book has a list called "Volunteer Opportunities" in it; maybe yours does too.

[Nick]

NG: I haven't been on this site for a couple of months (I think). You post stands out to me because you sound like my bipolar wife. It started 10 to 11 years ago and I called it "the spirit of discontent." I have read about it over and over again. That restless feeling must go along with the disorder.. She was so wonderful, fun and stable when I met her at age 19. She stayed that way until around age 31 or 32. Then what was obvious mania and depression (in hindsight) started and our marriage and lives became a roller coster ride and a half. The mania became progressively destructive and I'm sure that some of the readers have already read my posts to Tom's Discussion during this summer, so I won't go into details but you strike a cord. If you read page 260 Julie Fast's book "Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder", you will find some of the words you typed when you started this discussion. It says: "Do you have thoughts such as: Things would be better if I could just________or, Things would be different if I could just___________? I sure don't have all of the answers but this sounds like my wife at times too! When out of control mania finally happened last year my wife was saying "Don't i deserve to be happy!" to justify some horrible things she did. One year and a few months into the present, she is genually happy and in a healthy and loving way. Her medications and therapy took time but they are working. That and the grace of God. If you read U2's comments about that Joshua Tree album that you are referring too above, you will find that they claim that it is about their spiritual relationships with God. I'm not bipolar but I firmly believe that that is the missing link for finding happiness and real peace with your life.
God Bless You.

[NG]

Thank you for your response Nick. My first episode started the year I turned 30. I've always had high expectations of myself and having this illness has been a real challenge (to put it mildly). I haven't read Julie Fast's book but I've read many others. I'll take a look at her's though.
As for the spiritual connection, I get what you are saying there and believe that too. Whatever path one chooses.
I have a lot of faith in myself most of the time, that's why I get frustrated because fear is holding me back from some of the things I'd like to accomplish. I know all of this but it takes time to work on it. If you just jump too quickly into things it can set off mania. We're such an interesting bunch, tougher than nails, been through so much but yet delicate with how we need to balance ourselves.